Alakazam's Joke of the Day!

We’ll post a joke here every Monday-Friday!

6/1/20

How can you tell a vampire has a cold?

  • He starts coffin

5/29/20

Why do dragons sleep during the day?

  • So they can fight knights.

5/28/20

What is Homer Simpson's favorite ice cream?

  • Cookie D’oh!

5/27/20

What do windows do when a big gust of wind comes?

  • They shutter.

5/26/20

Why couldn't the bell keep a secret?

  • It always tolled.

5/25/20

What computer sings the best?

  • Adele

5/22/20

Why do mushrooms get invited to all the parties?

  • Because they’re fun guys.

5/21/20

Why was the skeleton afraid of the storm?

  • He didn’t have any guts.

5/20/20

What are the strongest days of the week?

  • Saturday and Sunday. The rest are weak days.

5/19/20

What do you call a fish without an eye?

  • A fsh

5/18/20

What’s small and red and has a rough voice?

  • A Hoarse Radish

5/15/20

What do you call a robot that takes the long way round?

  • R2 Detour

5/14/20

How do baby birds know how to fly?

  • They wing it.

5/13/20

Why did the wizard drop out of school?

  • He couldn’t spell.

5/12/20

What happened to the thief who stole a lamp?

  • He got a light sentence.

5/11/20

Why don’t matches play baseball?

  • One strike and they’re out.

5/8/20

Why did the baker stop making donuts?

  • He got tired of the hole thing.

5/7/20

Can you can a piano?

  • No but you can tuna fish.

5/6/20

Why did the cucumber need a lawyer?

  • He was in a pickle.

5/5/20

What did the alien say to the soda bottle?

  • Take me to your liter.

5/4/20

What bird steals soap from the bathtub?

  • A robber duck.

4/24/20

If you’re American in the living room, what are you in the bathroom?

  • You’re a peein’!

4/23/20

Why did the worker get fired from the orange juice factory? 

  • He couldn’t concentrate.

4/17/20

Why couldn’t the pirate take his young child to the movie?

  • It was rated Aarrrgh.

4/13/20

Why shouldn’t you write with a broken pencil?

  • It’s pointless

4/12/20

Why did the Easter Egg Hide?

  • It was a little chicken.

4/10/20

How can you tell if someone is a good farmer? 

They’re outstanding in their field.

4/9/20

What word starts with E and has only one letter in it?

Envelope!

4/6/20

How does the Man in the Moon cut his hair?

  • Eclipse it!

4/3/20

What did one penny say to the other?

  • We make cents.

4/2/20

What did one hat say to the other?

  • You stay here, I’m going on ahead.

4/1/20

How do catch a unique rabbit?

  • u ‘neak up on it!

3/31/20

What did zero say to eight?

  • Nice Belt!

3/30/20

How do you make an octopus laugh?

  • With ten tickles!

3/29/20

How much does it cost a pirate to get his ears pierced?

  • A buck an ear!

3/28/20

Why are ghosts such bad liars?

  • You can see right through them.

3/27/20

 What did one math book say to the other?

  • I’ve got so many problems.

3/26/20

When does a joke become a “dad” joke?

  • When it becomes a parent.

3/25/20

What do you call a robot that takes the long way around?

  • R2 Detour

Ellen Joy