On Intense Times, Perspective & Spaciousness
In the week I am composing this blog entry, I have had to face myself. Not only have I had to face myself but I have also had to face my life as I’ve known it this far—my spouse, my 4 birth children (ages 12, 10, 7 and 7) and the niece of whom we hold custody (age 17). I have had to face this god-awful pandemic, America amid a national nervous breakdown, sharpened awareness of the aging of my parents, accelerated career transitioning, client status shifting and a couple of dreams where I’m either dead or dying.
I have witnessed suffering and overcoming. I have myself felt too mentally and emotionally exhausted a day or two in there to get out of bed and carry on. Did I mention this was just in the last 7 days? And also the abbreviated version of the story?
The facing action I am speaking of is not facing in the "finally" or "seeing for the first time ever" sense. The "sights" I've mentioned here are not entirely new or by surprise to me. It's been more like what I call acute intensifying, a "cosmic contraction" or a "bring-you-to-your-knees-squeeze." Everything seems to have drawn in closer than close--like, "wait, I (the mindful breathing coach) can hardly breathe (or sometimes even speak)" close--and on all sides, top and bottom, weighing, pressing in, pinching on nerves, calling out of you what you're truly made of.
My Ayurvedic training names the incredible force behind the squeezing Apana, the energy that moves things down and out. I met her in her concentrated glory while in labor with my first child. I tell you, it felt like all of heaven and earth were converging inside my body, pulling through from my hair follicles to my toenails to bring my daughter earth-side, to birth her and furthermore to birth me. When the time came, I felt I had no say in the matter. None aside from how I would perceive and respond to the experience--the power of each wave, the trancelike rest in between, the bearing down, the "pushing with", the support people surrounding me, the part I had to do alone, the overall becoming: mother and child.
I observe us all to be experiencing a kind of birthing, on both micro and macro levels. Can you sense the convergence of forces? They present in myriad forms--people (perhaps especially little ones), places, things, ideas, our own selves--but the essential energy is the same: gripping, pressing, squeezing, unrelenting, calling out of you whatever's inside. Apana.
My offering to you here links to my earlier mention of perception and response. There is a beautiful word, "spaciousness," that carries a vibration you undoubtedly feel when you say it 1-3 times out loud if you did not feel it when you read it just then. Viktor Frankl is credited for pointing out that power and freedom can be found there, in the space between what you are experiencing and the way that you respond to it. Did you catch that? You can draw power from and find freedom in the s p a c e or the p a u s e between what you're sensing and what you do next.
While in the most intense days of these last weeks, I've recalled the words, songs and practices of many of my teachers in addition to those of my own.
Here's some of what's in my essential toolkit:
:: The Breath - as in, mindful breathing. "1 breath, 2 breaths, 3 breaths" or simply bringing all of my awareness to air moving in and out of my body, without any intervention or interruption from me.
:: Physical distance - another room (or purging, clearing, and cleaning--"straightening up"--a cluttered room or space), another city/town, a walk or bike ride in the neighborhood or in a trail (try a new one if you’ve already done one a bazillion times)
:: Connection to helpful and inspiring humans - close friends and neighbors, therapists, educators, coaches, spouse
:: Centering other people's stories - pouring my awareness and my studies in to the art of conversation and symbiotic relationship cultivation
:: Connection to Divine - sacred text, spiritual teachers, meditation, prayer, singing, dancing
:: Language - measured, conscious words and phrases. creative, kind, helpful, true.
:: Silence - pausing, lingering, savoring, being curious, observing, stillness
None of these are to ignore or pretend hard things have gone away. They are to support you in making room, widening the space, "leaning back from it" (as Kaira Jewel Lingo says) with compassion, courage, love and curiousity so that you can regroup and maybe then come towards the hard thing(s) again—refreshed and with greater confidence, calm and clarity, little by little, bit by bit.
May you and all of yours be well. May you be happy. x
Yolonda Coles Jones is a Healing and Empowerment-Centered Coach, Home-Based Education Consultant and Creative currently residing in Albemarle County, VA. She is married to her friend and partner, Will Jones, III, and a mama/parental to 5 kiddos. Her most prominent professional work in this season is utilizing her 12 years of experience as a working homeschool mom to walk you step-by-step through customizing a mindful education plan that brings your personal, professional and relational goals together with your desire for your child(ren)'s academic success in light of COVID-19. Learn more about her at https://www.yolondajonescreative.com/teachingandcoaching-2. Follow her on Instagram: @yolonda_j